nicoleaejayflora

Hey guys,

I know I don't usually post on wednesday's but today, is International Women's Day. 

I'd like to dedicate this post to a very special woman in my life who shaped who I am today and who gives me a reason to keep fighting.

My grandmother.

"Grandmother, 

The alchemist, 

You spun gold out of this hard life,

Conjured beauty from things left behind,

Found healing where it did not live,

Discovered the antidote in your own kitchen,

Broke the curse with your own two hands"

You were there for me when I spent most of the first 8 years of my life in the hospital, and always tried to keep the coldness out of my life. And you told me that my life was going to be nothing like yours because it would be so much better, which was the main reason why you had to let me go and live all the way across the world for better education and healthcare. You told me that if I ever feel unloved, to remember there's two more people across the world that loves me so much more than the width of this universe.
 Even now, I'd rather be with you and grandaddy. 

Everything I do is for the both of you.

And, I still remember the last time I visited you. You saved the christmas gifts you'd receive for so long and you wanted me to open them because, you remembered how I enjoyed doing that when I was little.

Thank you for teaching me how to love,

For teaching me what the true definition of true love is,

For giving me unconditional love,

For raising me like your own,

For being my hero,

For never making me feel like you loved me any less,

For bringing so much happiness in my life,

For understanding my heart,

For always knowing what to do when I'm upset,

For your endless support,

For spoiling me with love and kindness,

For teaching me that money isn't everything.

.nicoleaejayflora.

.nicoleaejayflora.

We're half way through February and it has taken me nearly 2 months to complete this letter.

2015 said you'd be scary but I felt optimistic anyway. 

You drained me emotionally at times and other times I never felt so free. 

I feel like you've taken a piece of me then you brought me back up and shattered me again. You made me stand in the mirror not quite sure who was looking back.

You taught me how to be brave, how to not let the past dictate my present and future, you taught me how to be stronger. 

Tick tock. 

I was never good at living in the moment.

Tick tock.

I was never good at accepting everything won't be perfect.

Tick tock.

Until you came. That is.

Yet, still, nothing made less sense.

I've had people tell me what they wanna do, people pushing me to what they want me to do and pushing me and pushing me slowly making me forget who I am. And so much more stupid drama. And, they didn't even care as long as they got what they wanted. As long as it was perfect in their eyes. 

And who was I to refuse them? 

I was just the "secretive", misinterpreted and misjudged by the people 'close' to me girl. 

You see there's a big difference between me being secretive and me who just simply do not trust them after everything they put me through. That's where they got me confused. You want to know the truth? I didn't trust them enough to tell them, I didn't trust them not to ruin what made me happy like what they've been doing all these years. And because of that, they couldn't accept my reasons nor did they care. 

Now they question where I got my bravery from. They don't want to face the fact that the reality is they shaped who I am today so they come up with excuses, to themselves and to me, to seek validation that what they did was okay.

All these years, I asked myself how can the people that's supposed to teach you how to love make you so afraid of it?
Over the years, I'd let the guilt they drowned me in consume me because, like they said, I wasn't good enough. 

They pushed me to become what they wanted, not what I needed to be. 

They told me anything that goes beyond the whispers of their voices was wrong. That what makes me happy was wrong.

So dear 2016, 

Thank you for making me see the truth. Thank you for teaching me to stop living for them and to start living for me. Their definition of who I am does not define me. Just because I don't meet the perfection in their eyes does not mean I wasn't made in God's image. 

Whilst finding myself, I lost a lot of people along the way and it never felt more right.

The taste of freedom and happiness of the knowledge that I could be who I want to be touched the tip of my tongue. It's bursting with flavour.

Dear 2016, keep the piece you stole from me. There's more pieces of me to find over the years.

.nicoleaejayflora.

.nicoleaejayflora.

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.nicoleaejayflora.

.nicoleaejayflora.

You are the most down to earth person I've ever met and you never let me give up on anything. You're the first person I think of in the morning and the last person I think of at night. You are my biggest supporter and I cannot thank you enough for all the help I've received from you. The first day I met you, I never thought that the person standing in front of me would mean so much than you do now, and I'm so glad that we had a mutual friend otherwise we would have never met. When you do something wrong, you let me be upset with you and you put yourself in my shoes to understand my point of view. You are a gentlemen; you still hold the door for me, carry heavy bags and carry me over to the other side when the grass is wet and I'm not wearing the right footwear and I could go on and on and on. I'll never forget you bringing me tacos&churros&medicine, when I was ill, to college even though it was your day off because, 'little' things like that shouldn't be taken for granted. Honestly, your mom has raised such an amazing person and I am so proud to be your girlfriend. Thank you for putting my love on top and being by side in this crazy ride. Now, you're turning 18 and I got/get to see you grow to a prodigious human being, who has so much love in his heart.  I got to watch you bloom this year with your music and it's splendid to see you in your element. I would never want you to change. The love and respect I have for you is immense. You are my other half. Meeting your family that night was the best thing ever because I got to meet where you got all your love from, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Happy early birthday my love, let your love and happiness radiate! 

For Ore: 

Who knew the question 'can I borrow your pencil?' would lead us here! My high school memories would be completely dull without your crazy ass beside me. You are forever my true sister and you hold such a special place in my heart. All the dramas, (aka lemonade, toilet, jelly babies etc), looking back, was actually the funniest thing ever. Our secrets and secret language is what I'll cherish till the day I die. Through the ups and downs, we still managed to sing random songs around the playground in lower school. Art will never be the same without you. Getting told off in graphics because of your lazy ass will never be replaced. So much has changed in a space of a year and we no longer attend the same school and, I'm glad we still talk and meet up when we can. You helped me face so much troubles and gave me tough love when it was needed. You helped shape who I am today. I'm so proud of the person you've become with your future so bright, I know that you don't need anyone for you to keep shining so don't ever stop shining chica. You don't anyone to define the true beauty you are, inside and out. Happy early birthday girlfriend, you deserve the very best and more! (P.S. I'm still going to get you back from all those ugly pictures you posted of me on my birthday so be very scared). 

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Mk's Social Networks:

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/itsactuallymk

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itsactuallymk/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTJWl3st8ws8B1xYpcq5DKQ

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Ore's Social Networks:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joanna_fakeye/

Thank you for reading!

.nicoleaejayflora.

1. First of all, I have been loving taking photography of nature. I find being around nature is so calm; the peacefulness makes everything better especially, if you just need a breather. 

2. I usually wasn't into high waisted bikini bottoms but lately I've been loving it. It's very comfortable and some say it doesn't give you good body shape but, it's all about how you wear it. Confidence is key.

3. Iced tea is my new drink obsessions. Me and my family went to a restaurant called 'Giraffe' and I ordered a 'Sunshine Coast Iced Tea'. This has ice cold chamomile and green tea with mango, lime and fresh mint. It was so refreshing and yummy! If you ever go to Giraffe, definitely try it. 

4. If you know me, you know I prefer watching than reading however, I'm reading Kendall and Kylie Jenner's book called 'Rebels: City of Indra: The Story Of Lex And Livia'. I've not finished it yet, I'm half way but I love it so far. It's a science fiction/dystopian novel. For the readers out there who have read this book, comment below what you think of it.

6. I have been loving hanging out in waterparks. It's fun and definitely a good place to hang out in. There are waterparks that's inside when the weather sucks but you still want to have a good time. In Centre Parcs, it's called 'Subtropical Swimming Paradise'; also, Alton Towers have a waterpark. 

I believe life is more than just sitting around and doing nothing. Why not be active and live your life to the fullest? Personally, I'd choose going on an adventure over partying any day!

5. I'm a grandparents' girl.

My grandparents spoil me with so much love and care. They raised me until I was 8 so I will always have that special bond with them that I will forever cherish.

6. I love being around nature.

Nature just gives me a peaceful atmosphere. I find it so relaxing and the scenery is just breathtaking.

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7. I used to play a lot of sports.

I used to play netball, athletics, football, basketball, trampolining (if that counts) and tennis. Yes, I was very much so active but now I'm overloaded with A levels and I still do some of the things I love to do when I have time, so I'm still grateful.